conscience...

The human mind is wierd. The kind of double standards that we follow are so amazing at times that if someone were to just call a spade a spade, all of us would just burn in hell. I've always maintained that the most important factor for me is that I "do the right thing", which in turn will let me sleep in peace. Fair enough! but who decides the right thing?

The fact of the matter is that WE do. And when our line is crossed, that very line is erased and redrawn at a point which is suitable pertaining to that particular situation. Many situations might not require us to erase any lines. But once in a while, a situation compels you to think and redrawing the line becomes the "right thing to do". A very simplified example would be if I asked you if you would bribe the traffic cop if he caught you jumping a signal? Maybe not. But what if you were headed for an interview for your so called dream job? hold on... this might still be a very materialistic point of view, but what if you had to get to the hospital to save your dying mother? ...

The ethical scenarios are by far the most tricky ones. And certain situations lead us to repercussions which are probably irreversible. Life goes on, and I realize that one just CANNOT be stuck up with any "ideal" or "values". The second anyone gets stuck up with an "ideal", nature loves to throw a situation where one is forced to rethink, probably not redraw the line permanently, but at least for that particular situation. And this is true of every aspect of life, it just seems to always work in a way to stump us forcing one to rethink all the time.

I am forced to think that this IS the only way of life, and there is no ideal "ideal". Ideals are part of a culture that we imbibe into us while we grow up in society. Culture deteriorates with the passage of time and ideals once considered ideal are rubbished by future generations. Culture thus goes through a gradual transformation. My search for perfection is never ending, that probably is the charm of it all, the continuity of it all ... Utopia still eludes me ... :) ...

the perfect stranger...

i was bored... going through pages of some random book that I thought might be interesting... a book could never get as interesting as people... and just when that thought crossed, our eyes met... i had felt her eyes on me ... she hurriedly looked away... and from the corner of her eye checked if i was still ogling at her... now it was my turn to look away... i hid myself behind my book...
she was just a couple of aisles across at the movies section... even if i did move towards the movie section.. wtf was i gonna tell her... that she was cute?? i was pretty sure a million guys had tried a lame ass dialogue like that... was i smelling okay? no bad breath? hmm... cool... lets take it one a time... let me head over to the movies section... hey wait a minute... where did she go??!
i scanned the store... she was gone... too much time wasted on silly thoughts... there are times when a man should blindly follow his instincts... i still had the book in my hand... dejected ... looked up in a bit ... there she was again!! :) ... there was a glimpse of a naughty smile on her face i thought... or maybe i was just imagining things... this time she walked towards me... shit!! what was she going to say... she passed through me like i was almost invisible... i caught a whiff of her perfume... lost ... i opened my eyes again... too late! her mother had come looking for her... they were almost outside the store... what was i going to do now?! ... i ran outside just to get a final glimpse... she didn't even look back...

at some point in life... i would like to...

1) ...build an automobile.. right from scratch...
2) ...learn to sail...
3) ...go bungee jumping...
4) ...visit all the continents... and cross the equator...
5) ...go for the oktoberfest in Germany... DONE!
6) ... Las vegas...
7) ...


... will add more when i figure...

f.r.i.e.n.d.s

A reason why I wanted to write this blog today was that, lately, there has been a sudden dearth of good ones. The kind that you found while you were kids, while growing up, in college etc. Nope! .. they just don't come that easy anymore. Well, even though that's not entirely true, its probably just that everyone's older now, stronger opinions, people basically get weirder as they grow up I guess?

Come to think of it, there's probably just a couple of people that I could name that have grown to become good "friends" in the past 3 years, ever since I left college that is. The whole point here is that probably everyone could, and would claim the exact same thing! But my superiority complex kicks in, and I say that for some reason, I have always had better friends than others. It's all part of the feeling that I perpetually have. This safety net over me feeling, a strange force of some sort that protects me from most fuck-ups in life, or gets me out of them. So, now I can clearly see a degradation in the quality of people. Where were these people all these years? I am not GOD, I don't even try to be, I hate judging even though I do it all the time, all I keep reminding myself is that my judgment is strictly personal, and is not of any consequence really. Anyways.... On introspecting, I realize that ALL my "friends" have been subconsciously chosen to be of a particular class, type, nature etc. They have certain traits common between each other, and I recognize that now since these traits are non-existent in most people.
Trust...Respect...honor.
I guess even though most people "talk" of these "qualities" just like I am mentioning them at this moment, I think one can safely presume that these people do NOT understand what they really are. As one reads this, something very obvious should hit the reader now, that one needn't be a friend to understand these qualities. These qualities are actually part of human nature, they are what a person should strive to uphold, that these should be present even at a human to animal level, and this is where the subconscious choice takes place.
I realized, that "my friends" have understood the true meaning of these words, not necessarily following them at all times. But understanding them is enough, because if you believe in them, you automatically have a conscience that will prick you when you are "wrong". This automatically helps you to improve as a person. No one's perfect, and everyone knows this, but everyone doesn't understand it. "MY friends" do.
I have come to a point where I can be arrogant about them, since they become special. This is automatic again, as they are a rare lot. Clockwork! When the base is set right, everything else follows. Foundation, that's about it. I am sure if anyone does ever read this blog, they could make a million interpretations, but all my friends would make similar interpretations as they understand the meaning of all those words that are repeated and glorified in every other book, movie, newspaper etc. These are the simple things in life that have to be said again and again, its the simplest of things that people have forgotten and will continue to forget... my friends haven't.

taking stock... bye-bye 2008

marriages! ...civil lines... beef-teriyaki... wimmen...lust... U.S.A... bharatha-natyam... trevor... canon... starent... debaditya... money... photography... basketball... engagements...mama... and arranged-marriages! ... jack daniels & coke... hat-trick... leopolds... terror... home... affairs... pune... love... harvard... new york... fall-colours... chevy malibu... DSLR... anna... nfs... blackberry... friends... east-village... cricket... chandni-chowk... zen... 51-D... maaaf...

part 2 of 2...

Perspective changes when one witnesses the unexpected. These guys have preserved in all their modernness, an India and Indian-ness that we, living in the country, haven't! Its been taken for granted at times, or just hasn't been thought of as important enough to cherish in our day-to-day lives. The "chalta hai" generation, as Nishant put it quite aptly, is too casual about most issues. Be it something cultural like this which might still be trivial, but even the few blasts a couple of days back in Assam and Guwahati, a few blasts in Mumbai before that, a few in Gujarat, Delhi, Bangalore.. and life goes on as usual!

There are always going to be the ones who actually get things done, and ones who crib about how fucked the system is! But its not going to be easy, it requires sacrifices, one at a time, people have to give up this materialistic maze that they live in and get things done! To clean up the system, to get our roads made, to get into the political veins of the country, to improve social security; India has a GDP of 2 Trillion $$ today, but so does Brazil, S.Korea, Russia, MEXIfuckinCO! with 1/10th or 1/20th the population which relates to 10 or 20 times the amount of money for each person. The U.S has a GDP of 12-13 trillion, with a GDP per head at 45,000$ ... India is at 650$!

I have not included China in my list here, we do NOT compare with them, they are not a couple of years ahead, but many many years ahead in terms of development that has already taken place in their country, we have years before we can catch up.

I realize that if not duty, the capability or opportunity doesn't exist for every Indian to fight the system. The average Indian has too many daily issues to be going out fighting the system, he'll only end up warped into it further. Here's the predicament...

Well, for starters, since I initiated the topic based on the "Indian-ness" of a few ABCDs, there is another point to stress on. It is of my opinion that only the exceptional ABCDs have managed this balancing act. These fortunate ABCDs have parents who have excelled in their professions, most probably they were the older generation who studied either Medicine or Engineering before settling in this country. Not only this, these Indians who settled abroad must have struggled during their initial years, the only difference being, that this struggle did not include bribing the policeman, worrying about whether their children would get infected due to contaminated water or sitting in the dark as the electricity just went out. There probably are just as many ABCDs who dont really give a damn about Bharatanatyam or Kathakali, or even about who wins their next election. Just like the average ABCD doesnt give a damn, the average Indian is too caught up with daily issues to be able to celebrate our "Indian-ness".

My itch is with the those exceptional Indians who are IN India and who should be trying to do something for this country. I hope I do not end up as the one who just cribs about how fucked the system is, but actually do something to make it better.

The only catch here is... who decides whether they are the chosen exceptional ones...?

one night at Harvard university...

what a night!! .. what a fantastic night man, I just got back from probably one of the most innovative performances ever! ... brilliant would be an understatement in terms of the quality of themes that they used, the choice of music.. the choreography... the everything!!

And what am i talking about? well, I of all people, am talking about a Bharatanatyam performance! My maiden trip to the U.S has been a very satisfying one, in terms of the fact that I've been able to accomplish whatever I had planned, meeting friends, family and also explore the place to an extent. But this, had to be the icing on the cake. I had a glimpse of the life of few students, ABCDs mostly, in one of the most prestigious institutions of the world. It so happens that one of my cousins in NY whose daughter is studying at the university was participating in an ethnic cultural event of sorts in which they were performing BharataNatyam.

Growing up in Vashi, New Bombay, my parents have not inculcated certain values that other tam-bram families do; which includes learning and actively following CARNATIC music and Bharatanatyam. So I have been to very few performances of this sort, frankly, I get BORED since I do not really understand what's being portrayed.

But I went anyway, point was to spend time with my cousins. The auditorium was quite packed by the time we arrived. A mix of a lot of Abcds, few Asians and Amrus. The concert ensued, these 20 odd girls had obviously been trained since thier childhood, and even more obvious was that they were super talented and hard-workers. The manner in which they went about the show was very professional, one of the dancers always made it a point before every piece, to come and explain every move and step that they would use during the piece, and this made the whole show extremely clear to the audience as to what exactly was being conveyed. It wasnt just mythological bullshit, but a mix of modern ideas and scenes from daily life that they portrayed. It wasnt just carnatic music in the background, but from A.R Rahman to Asturias, I heard it all, from the movie Black to the crucification of christ, I saw it all, it really was fantastic to a layman like me. And this was all happening in Cambridge, MA!

I had come to visit the campus, the historical city and capture a few moments through my lens but had been given more than what I had asked for... end of part 1 of 2...