Tuesday, November 13, 2007

chaos theory...

"What goes round comes round" seems to be what everyone wants to tell us. This is coming from watching Johny gaddar and The departed within a span of two days. This phrase is something that I always beleived in, very strongly, but the very fact that it has to be reiterated again and again troubles me.

LIfe is wierd, fucking wierd. Its almost as if, logically speaking, having to tell something repeatedly would mean that its not been hammered into our heads yet. HUman beings are cunts, is my conclusion... even though we know somewhere deep down inside that if we fuck with someone, life will fuck with us... we still continue to test nature.

NOw, nature. What is fuckin nature?! God??! being a non-believer i keep trying to find something that will give me an idea, the faintest hint about who's in charge! but the very fact that theres this strange balancing act that occurs all the time puzzles me. I am in this fucked up mood right now, my minds not letting me write more shit, cos at the end of the day i know what i have to fuckin get back to...

But seriously man... life is so much like one of these movies, unpredictable, erratic, irrational and it scares me to think that it cud all go away. Just like that!

I am getting way too philosophical, which is a bad as well as good thing. Bad, cos I wouldn't achieve too much in life the way i am thinkin, cos its all pointless anyways right? good? well because I'd learn to be content, and content is key... key to not doin much. My point is, i guess somewhere down the line i want it to count, everything. Nothing should go waste, otherwise whats the point of our very existence. Answers!! i need answers!!

lol.. one part of my brain just went off sayin wtfuucckk! have u achieved to be talkin about it not goin waste n all that, but then thats the not being able to be content part talkin now isnt it, cos i have achieved more than quite a few people, and i know i can do a lot more... but wait... i dont compare, i hate it!

comparison! the only best competitor is yourself n all
that jazz!
but i'll leave that for sometime later...